The Price of Freedom - Chapter One: Fair Winds and Black Ships

The fact that I could have been reading the first part of this chapter with a variation of "Gloria" playing in the background amuses me greatly.

Now that the vaguely vague 'lol this isn't the story this is just some completely unrelated description of the setting' crap is over, it's actually time to get this party started and actually read about Pirates. Because that's what I came for, isn't it?




Now, it should be of no surprise what the first two words of the first chapter are.

JACK SPARROW

I'm serious.

Yeah, we're not even halfway down the page and already we get what we paid for. This happens in the movies less than we would like (AS DELICIOUS AS RANDOM SPANISH FISHERMEN ARE TO WATCH AT THE BEGINNING OF OST), so immediately the book gets some points in that category. As soon as I assume that everything's going to be all well and good, I read the rest of the sentence.

"Jack Sparrow, first mate of the East India Trading Company merchant vessel Fair Wind..."


Wait, what?

"Jack Sparrow, first mate of the East India Trading Company merchant vessel Fair Wind..."


Serious double-take. Of course, I already knew this (research is WIN), but it might come as a surprise for those of us who... did no app research. Once again, yes, Jack Sparrow worked for the EITC.

I'll allow it to sink in.

"'This rum,' he said, raising his voice so he could be heard over the creaking of the sails, the slap of the sea, and the rush of the wind, "is half gone. Why is the rum gone?'"
 
Memetic mutation I LOVE YOU SRSLY.


Although the image of Jack saying his famous line totally serious-face in a frilly, frilly coat wearing a fancy tricorne and drinking tea and oh yeah he shaves is hilarious and I shall keep it with me the rest of the day.

So once again, we return to the age-old mystery: just why exactly is the rum gone? But before we can assume that our friend Mr. Sparrow addresses this only for the sake of corny humor that would eventually become sort of a running gag like in the films, he drops a bomb on us.

"'I will tell you why the rum is gone,' Jack roared. He thumped the top of the container. 'This half-empty cask, which as of last night was full of rum bound for England, rum entrusted to this vessel to be carried in her hold until we reach our destination, rum intended to be sold to the taverns and cellars of England, to slake English thirsts, is gone because... several members of this crew that stands before me, this same crew of misbegotten scurvy sea dogs, crept down into the hold and drank it!'"


.....

WHAT IS THIS

THIS IS LIKE JACK BUT NOT JACK

HOLY CRAP IS THIS SOBER JACK?

I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING. I FOR THE LIFE OF ME DID NOT SEE THIS COMING.

I was like, "JACK CAN'T BE SOBER. JACK CAN'T BE SOBER. JACK CANNOT BE SOBER" and then all of a sudden this book comes and he enters and he's like

Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe I should just keep reading.

"'Morton!' Jack snapped. 'Step lively now! Walk me that gunwale!' ..... Morton leapt up onto the railing; then, bare toes curving to fit the shape of the wood, he walked along the four-inch wide surface. He didn't even bother to extend his arms for balance. When he'd reached the end of the fifteen-foot gunwale, he jumped lithely down."

This is like eighteenth-century DUI testing. Maybe I think it's cool because I didn't do the research. 

"Sullenly, the three remaining rum thieves shuffled out of ranks to stand before Jack. 'You three and Farmer are hereby deprived of your daily rum ration for the remainder of this voyage,' Jack said, his voice low and cutting. 'The cost of the damaged cask will be taken out of your pay for this voyage, plus a suitable fine, to be determined by Second Mate Greene.'"

I don't care what anyone says THIS JACK IS BETTER THAN MOVIE JACK. 

I know, I know, I'm a hater, but seriously, this is what is going through my head:

Movie Jack:

Book Jack:

Hopefully by now, you are able to see my sudden disdain for the movies.

Part of me never liked the kooky "incompetently-competent" comic relief Jack and died whenever he came on the screen in On Stranger Tides, so it's nice to see that he has a sober side and AND HOW.

So after Jack's finished scolding the crew and the few members who had stolen the rum, one of his watchmen suddenly spots a ship off into the distance. Jack looks as well, and plot development ensues when Jack realizes the ship is REALLY familiar. Thus, something us literary experts call a "flashback" follows.

Literary flashbacks, depending on the book, really teach the leader a lot. Jack's in particular more than one might think. Therefore, I have composed a list of the things to be learned from the flashback that takes up nearly the rest of the chapter:

• Once upon a time, Jack was a pirate. 
• Between then and now, he said stuff it and worked for the EITC
• The specifics of Shipwreck Cove and Shipwreck City (THANK YOU FOR THE DIRECTIONS I WILL SEND MY SHIPS THERE NOW.)
• Jack in his late teenage years / early adult years was the exact same as he is in the movies.
• Foreshadowing something about treasure hunting
• There is a barkeeper in a pirate tavern named Steve.
• Jack and his friend see the same ship Jack is flashbacking about
• Jack dislikes his father because he is so strict
• This chick on the aforementioned ship is the granddaughter of the Pirate Lord of the Caribbean or something
• The aforementioned chick is 'whoot whoot'

We are immediately jolted back into the present as Jack learns the ship is starting to head toward them. The chapter ends with Jack and his Second Mate's "Oh Crap" moment, and we are therefore prepared for more hilarity to ensue.

So in closing...

1. Jack is sober, and in a perfect world he remains sober forever and never to be reduced to comic relief
2. We can now locate Shipwreck Cove on a GPS. Now, to find World's End.
3. One of my predictions was immediately busted because I am starting to care.

I am excited.